As predicted, the end of Lucy’s school year was not easy. I knew it wasn’t going to be good when one of her teachers told me--on her second to last class--that Lucy was acting differently that day (willful, disobedient). If there is one thing I know about Lucy it is this: she does not do well with change, specifically when it has to do with separation. She has been this way since the first day we met her. It doesn’t take much analysis to figure out why this is, considering all she went through in the first eleven months of her life. But as I was thinking about all of this, God’s most divine plan became that much more crystallized for me.
See,
I was the same way as a child— saying good bye, leaving, transitions---all
difficult for me. I have vivid memories
of the time I first started going to a neighborhood day care, after staying at
home with my Mom for the first 4 years of my life. I remember weeks of crying every night in my
bed, not wanting to leave my mom the next morning, before my parents eventually
removed me from that child care. Even to
this day, departures and good-byes tug at my heart.
So,
is it coincidence that God gave me a child who shares some of these same
characteristics? It all seems providential in some ways to me, in that I very
much understand this side of Lucy. I
understand why she acts out or cries or is irritable when she is separated from
someone she has become attached to.
 |
| Making gold stars (her idea) for her teachers for the end of the year. |
On
her last day of school, as all the other children were making their transitions
quite gracefully, my little girl wouldn’t quit crying. Her teachers: “what is wrong?” “Lucy, what is it?” I didn’t need to ask her; I knew. I didn’t feel like explaining to
others. I just understood and quietly
empathized and cried with her. Even
though I can understand the emotion, I know I will never understand the
circumstances behind the deeper memories that are probably being
triggered.
So,
as the end of her first school year has now come to a close, I look onward with
an array of mixed emotions to all the new beginnings that await us… new
teachers, new classmates, new friends. And
with these things, all the good-byes and separations that will eventually
follow. I remind myself of my own
limitations in preventing difficulties that will inevitably enter into Lucy’s
life. But I find resolve and peace in
knowing there are a few things that I can do.
Embrace my daughter for who she is and what her history means to her. Change
and grow as the circumstances dictate. Know
that as the transitions continue to ebb and flow in her life, she will grow to trust
we will continue to be there for her, in our own limited ways. And most importantly, find peace in trusting
that she will gain the confidence she needs, through each experience, to
believe in herself and her abilities to manage the ups and downs of this
complicated thing we call life.
Happy
end-of-the-school-year to all you Mom’s out there!
