The task of being a mama-- and all that comes with it-- can sometimes be a daunting task. There is so much that constantly passes through the mind, so much to question and wonder about. And often, there is no definitive answer. Sometimes the questions are menial and have no real consequence one way or another… such as the 5 minute conversation Lucy and I had recently about whether or not fruit flies taste like fruit.
Other times, there are questions I can’t help but wonder –and even worry about. Like when Lucy and I were playing school recently, her: the teacher, and I: student Lucy. And she (the teacher) told me (Lucy) that my Mama wasn’t coming back for me. She even went into detail of how I (student Lucy) would have to stay with the teachers since my mom wasn’t coming back for me. Got that? Well, the gist of it: an expression from my girl about the thoughts that may-- or may not-- be swirling around inside her mind: “will Mama come back for me?” Of course on many levels, this tugs at my heart. And then the mind drifts:
does this mean anything, or just a 4 year old playing? is this her sub-conscious mind, recalling the days of being 11 months old when she was taken away from the entire world that she knew? an expression of a lack of security that her parents will come back for her? am I-- a person who has a tendency to overanalyze-- overanalyzing?
I don’t really have answers to any of this. Maybe it is a concern that many 4 year olds express. Maybe it is just Lucy playing, no hidden meanings. Or maybe, Lucy needs a little extra support, to feel secure in her place here in our lives.
What I do know—definitively-- is this: all I can do is embrace the uncertainties, keep working on treasuring every moment, be mindful of what Lucy needs, and do my best to respond in ways that will be helpful to her. In thinking about it…good goals for any relationship.
And maybe fruit flies really do taste like fruit...